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Small Talk: How to Get Better at It (What to Say After the First Line)
In short: What do you say after the first line? Learn how to make small talk easier with focused follow-up questions, a little about yourself and simple exercises.
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You've said hello, asked a question and got an answer. Now what? Small talk often gets awkward right after that first line. You hunt for the next topic, fire off another question or start a story the other person can't do much with.
Small talk is a short, informal conversation about something everyday. You don't need a great story for it. The conversation usually gets easier when you build on what the other person just said, share something small about yourself and let a pause happen now and then.
These five habits come from the course Talking with People. They're about the conversation after the opener. Looking for a first line instead? Read Small Talk: 3 Ways to Start a Conversation.
1. Pick one detail to follow up on
"How was your weekend?"
"Good, I went hiking with my sister."
That answer gives you several ways in: her sister, the hike, maybe the place. You don't have to go through all of them. Pick one detail you're actually curious about.
"Where did you go?"
Or: "What was the best part of the trail?"
That's easier to answer than a brand-new topic, and it shows you heard the answer.
At the coffee machine someone says they just moved. You can ask: "How are you liking the neighborhood so far?" At a birthday party someone mentions a cooking class: "What did you make last time?"
Ask one question and listen to the answer first. A string of follow-ups can feel like an interview. If the topic runs dry, share something of your own or let it go. For more angles, see 30 conversation topics with the Conversation Compass.
The Hooks Principle: choose one point to connect to
A hook is a detail in someone's answer you can build on: a place, an activity, or something they enjoyed or found annoying. Often you don't need to think of a new topic. You pick one detail you're curious about.
- Them: "Busy week. We just got back from a weekend at the coast."
- The hook: the coast.
- You: "Oh nice, where did you go?"
- Them: "A little town right by the beach."
- You: "That sounds great, being that close to the sea. What did you get up to?"
React first, then maybe tell your own story
| Approach | Example | What can happen? |
|---|---|---|
| Switching topics right away | They describe an exhausting train trip. You jump straight to your own car trouble. | You miss what they wanted to tell you. |
| Reacting and following one detail | "A 90-minute delay, that's rough. Did you at least get a seat?" | They can tell you were listening, and there's room to continue. |
What to say after a short answer or a silence
"Mine was hectic, I'm glad it's almost the weekend."
You give them something to respond to without reading a mood into a short answer. If they still say little, let the topic rest.
"Catching my breath after that morning. Got much on for the rest of the day?"
You connect to something that already came up. Wait a moment first: they may want to add something. A silence doesn't have to be filled.
2. Give them something to respond to as well
If you only ask questions, the other person does all the talking. Share something about yourself too, so they get to know you and have something to respond to.
Say someone tells you about a hike. You don't need to give a full report of your last holiday. One or two sentences are enough:
"I've been walking more lately too. I notice I'm less stuck in my head afterwards. Do you usually take the same route?"
They can respond to your experience, to walking or to the route. There's something to build on.
A neighbor tells you he grows tomatoes. You could say: "I tried that on my balcony last year. Lots of leaves, hardly any tomatoes. How's yours going?"
No need to invent an experience you don't have. "I don't know much about that, actually. What do you like about it?" is an honest reply too.
3. React before starting a new story
Someone says: "I had a frustrating conversation with my manager this week."
You recognize it and want to start talking about your own job. Understandable, but they aren't finished yet. Your story can wait a moment.
Start with a reaction to what you just heard:
"That sounds frustrating. What made it so difficult?"
Or, if you mainly want to understand what happened: "Where did it get stuck?"
It doesn't have to turn into a heavy conversation. It works the same way with lighter topics. "I finally put that wardrobe together" can lead to: "You did it! What was the hardest part?"
Pick a reaction that fits the story. You don't need to look for deep feelings behind everything. Sometimes people just want to tell you about a wardrobe.
4. Let a short silence exist
A pause doesn't automatically mean the conversation is failing. The other person may be thinking, taking a sip or looking for a word.
If you ask a new question straight away, that thought gets no room. Try waiting, staying relaxed and keeping your attention on them.
That doesn't mean staring at them. A relaxed posture and ordinary attention are enough.
If nothing comes, you can go back to an earlier topic: "You said you come here often. What do you like about this place?" But you can also wrap up.
If you replay every pause afterwards as proof you did it wrong, read about the liking gap: why you often underestimate how much others enjoyed the conversation. Feeling awkward yourself doesn't mean they found the conversation unpleasant.
5. Notice when it's enough
A pleasant conversation doesn't have to be long. A few sentences with a neighbor or someone in line can be plenty.
Look at the whole picture. Short answers, no questions back and looking away repeatedly can together mean someone wants to move on. One short answer isn't a clear rejection: they might be tired or distracted.
You don't need to know exactly why. Wrap up kindly when you're the only one keeping it going, or when you need to go.
"Nice talking to you. I'm off to do my shopping."
At the coffee machine: "Good to catch up. Back to work for me. See you later." No elaborate excuse needed.
How to practice small talk: pick one thing this week
Don't try to remember all five points at once. Pick one small exercise for the coming week:
- Follow up on one detail the other person mentions in a short conversation.
- Share one small experience of your own that fits the topic.
- Pause briefly after an answer before asking something new.
Look for an everyday moment that comes up naturally, for example with a neighbor, someone you know from the gym or a colleague at the coffee machine. Pick someone who seems open to a chat. Let anyone in a hurry go on their way.
Afterwards, ask yourself: what did they say that I could build on? Did I share something of my own? Was there room to wrap up? Don't judge it only by how long the conversation lasted.
Do the small thing has more on starting with one small, doable step.
Keep practicing with Talking with People
Small talk gets easier the more often you have short conversations and find out what works for you. Even if you're quiet or don't have a great story ready, you can listen, ask a question and share a little about yourself.
In Talking with People you practice step by step: making contact, following up, showing a bit of yourself and wrapping up well. You can start with the free first module.