Blog
Short pieces about starting conversations, staying in touch, and building friendships that last.
Shy, Not Stuck-Up: Why Quiet People Can Seem Arrogant
Shyness can be mistaken for arrogance when people cannot see the nerves behind your behaviour. Small, honest details can make your interest easier to recognise.
One Conversation, Thirteen Ways to Look at It
Twelve words, a glance and a goodbye. What actually happens in a short conversation, and thirteen lenses that help you see what you missed.
When to Talk About How You're Talking (and When Not To)
Sometimes a conversation goes wrong because you're having two different conversations. Learn when to say so out loud, when to leave it, and how to bring it up without making things awkward.
How the Way You See a Conversation Changes It
A pause in a conversation rarely means what you fear. How your interpretation shapes small talk, and four ways to leave room for a friendlier reading.
25 Ways to Look at Any Topic: Fresh Conversation Ideas
Find fresh conversation ideas with 25 perspectives on everyday topics, examples about coffee, bicycles and working from home, and a simple exercise.
Do the small thing, not the right thing
Start with one small conversation today, even if you still feel unsure. The more often you do it, the easier it gets.
The five pillars: a different way to read a conversation
Most conversation advice tells you what to do. The five pillars help you see what is actually happening in a conversation, so you can tell which part is off and fix it.
Why Mirroring Body Language Does Not Work
Copying someone's posture on purpose is one of the most repeated pieces of social advice there is. It also does not work, for three fairly simple reasons.
What to do with what a stranger just said
A stranger just answered you. CARE helps you follow up: Catch what they said, Aim at a useful thread, Respond with interest and Extend the conversation.
Self-expression in conversation: stop performing, start showing up
Sharing a preference, saying how you feel or reacting honestly gives someone a chance to get to know you. Three small ways to practise that in everyday conversations.
How to talk to strangers when you are not naturally good at it
Fear of rejection can make it hard to start a conversation. Research suggests people are often more willing to talk than we expect. REACH offers five points to practise, from noticing an opening to keeping a conversation going.
You are not broken. You are undersupplied.
Feeling lonely does not mean there is something wrong with you. Look at the regular contact and close relationships your week offers, and where you might make room for more.
The Liking Gap: Why You Underestimate How Much People Like You
Research shows that after a conversation, most of us systematically underestimate how much the other person liked us. Here is why that happens, and what to do about it.
From SAP consultant to Being Sociable: what I'm doing now
After years as an SAP consultant and software developer, I changed course. I now help people connect more easily, privately and at work, with courses and coaching.