Opening Lines for Small Talk: Practise by Observing First

You are waiting somewhere and someone is standing next to you. You would quite like to say something. But your head starts racing: what do I say, will it sound odd, is this a good moment? By the time you decide, the moment has passed.

Many people think they need to come up with a good opening line first. It usually works the other way round. Take a calm look around you. What you see often gives you something to start with, so you do not have to invent anything clever.

In this article you will learn how to practise opening lines for small talk by observing, with a simple structure and five everyday examples.

Three types of opening lines

In the course Talking with People we use three types of opening lines:

1. The observational opener: you comment on something you both see or experience.
2. The situational opener: you use the situation you share as a reason to talk, such as a delay or a long queue.
3. The direct opener: you simply say why you are speaking to someone.

Does starting a conversation still feel daunting? Start with the observational opener. You talk about something outside yourself and the other person, which feels relaxed for both of you.

Want to know more about these three types and when to use each one? Read Small Talk: 3 Ways to Start a Conversation, or start with the free first module of Talking with People.

The structure: look, greet, say something

An observational opening line has three steps:

1. Look without hurrying. Pick one concrete detail around you. Something ordinary the other person can see too.
2. Greet and wait a moment. Say "good morning", "hello" or "hi" first, then pause. This gives the other person time to look up and shift their attention to you.
3. Say what you notice, lightly. Mention what stands out to you. A question is fine, but it does not need to become an interview.

5 examples of opening lines

Each example shows what you see first, then what you could say.

1. In the queue at a coffee bar

2. On the platform or at the bus stop

3. In the park, near someone with a dog

4. At the snack table at a birthday party

5. Someone wearing a colourful coat

An exercise for this week

You do not need to say these lines out loud straight away. Start by observing, just for yourself:

• Look around you when you are waiting somewhere.
• Ask yourself: if I said something about this place or this moment, what would it be?
• Form the sentence in your head, then let it go.

Is that getting easy? Then say one out loud in the coming days. Greet, wait a moment and say what you see. If the other person answers briefly, that is fine too. You will find more tips in How to Make Small Talk and How to talk to strangers.

And if you wonder whether the other person enjoyed it: research shows people usually underestimate how much others liked talking with them. Read more in The Liking Gap.